The Hogwarts Diaries
by M'selle de Paris
Summary: Dumbledore has a plan to strengthen relationships between houses...and here it is, in writing: all is revealed in the interhouse journal! Purely puerile.


Once again: a little piece of insanity from my singularly unhinged mind. Not much else to say- enjoy!

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- THE HOGWARTS DIARIES -

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_**September 1st**_

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

Er. Dumbledore told me to begin. This is an inter-house diary to…strengthen the relationship between…the houses.

He said to begin by trying to find common interests.

I like Quidditch.

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Like you're the only one, you twit.

_**September 2nd**_

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

I don't think this is a very good way to strengthen the relationship between houses, you guys. We should try to act civilly towards one another.

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Oh, shut up.

_Ron Weasley, Gryffindor_

Git! Don't speak that way to Hermione!

_**September 3rd**_

_Ron Weasley, Gryffindor_

Or any of us, actually.

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

I like Chocolate Frogs, too.

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Shut up, Scarface.

_**September 4th**_

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

SCARFACE.

_Neville Longbottom, Gryffindor_

I'm worth ten of you, Malfoy!

_Luna Lovegood, Ravenclaw_

Oh, good, you tell him, Neville.

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

Now, the teamwork between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw is good, but it shouldn't be directed towards another house. And Neville, go finish your Potions essay.

_Neville Longbottom, Gryffindor_

But I don't like Potions.

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

It just makes it worse to put it off, Neville. Here, I'll look over it when you're done.

_Ron Weasley, Gryffindor_

Would you look over mine, too? Thanks a bunch!

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

Well, while you're at it…

_Colin Creevey, Gryffindor_

Oh, mine too!

_**September 5th**_

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

You're not in our year, Colin, sorry.

_Ginny Weasley, Gryffindor_

Colin, we didn't even _have_ a Potions essay, what are you talking about?

_Colin Creevey, Gryffindor_

Oh, that's right. Hermione, will you look over my Arithmancy essay, then? I heard that's your favorite class; it's mine too!

_**September 6th**_

_Ginny Weasley, Gryffindor_

Colin—you…don't…take…Arithmancy.

_Luna Lovegood, Gryffindor_

Maybe Colin has a crush on Hermione.

_Ron Weasley, Gryffindor_

Bugger off, Colin!

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

And snowy owls…I have a snowy owl. Does anyone else like snowy owls?

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

You are all. Complete. Morons.

_**September 7th**_

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

It really isn't helping if we're only having interaction between one or two houses, everyone…let's hear some more from Hufflepuff and Slytherin, shall we?

_Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin_

Hermione's a Mudblood!

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Pansy, shut up.

_Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin_

Draco, that was really rude of you! Why are you so mean to me? I try so hard for you! You know what, it's over, Draco. I'm breaking up with you.

_**September 8th**_

_Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin_

So there!

_**September 9th**_

_Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin_

I'm never speaking to you ever again.

_**September 10th**_

_Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin_

Ever, you hear me? NEVER!

_**September 11th**_

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

I like my Invisibility Cloak, too…

_**September 12th**_

_Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin_

I'm single!

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Um, we were never even going out.

_Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin_

Oh, so now you're trying to get me back! Well, it's not going to work, Draco! You had your chance, and you ruined it!

_Crabbe, Slytherin_

I can't remember my first name.

_**September 13th**_

_Ginny Weasley, Gryffindor_

…Anyways. Harry, are you going to Hogsmeade next weekend?

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Ooh, the baby Weasel has a crush on Potty!

_Ginny Weasley, Gryffindor_

We're dating, you nitwit.

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

…Well…you still have a crush on him!

_Ginny Weasley, Gryffindor_

…

_**September 14th**_

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

Yeah, I think so. Oh—there's another—I like Hogsmeade trips!

_Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin_

Oh, me too, Harry! We have so much in common!

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

…

_Ron Weasley, Gryffindor_

…

_Ginny Weasley, Gryffindor_

…

_Neville Longbottom, Gryffindor_

…

_Luna Lovegood, Gryffindor_

…

_Colin Creevey, Gryffindor_

I love you, Hermione!

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

…

_**September 15th**_

_Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin_

Draco's jealous!

_**September 16th**_

_Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster and former Gryffindor_

Well, I see things are going swimmingly.

_**September 17th**_

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

Perhaps we should get back to what this journal is actually for. Why don't we all follow Harry's example—common interests?

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Oh, alright, Mudblood: I like carrying out Slytherin cult rituals in the common room devoted to killing Harry Potter and helping the Dark Lord with Professor Snape as our leader.

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

SNAPE'S A DEATH EATER! DUMBLEDORE, SNAPE'S A DEATH EATER!

_Ron Weasley, Gryffindor_

Harry's right! He's been right all along!

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

Harry, Ron, I think he was joking.

_Ron Weasley, Gryffindor_

Yeah, really, get a grip, mate! What are you raving on about?

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

Some mate you are, Ron! Pretending to back me up but against me all along! I have no one to turn to…my parents are dead, my best mate's always against me…

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

I'd be sympathetic, but I'm a little miffed you disregarded me as a friend.

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

Yeah, but you and Ron are busy being lovebirds, you're like one person now, so I can generalize.

_Colin Creevey, Gryffindor_

I'm more of a man than Ron will ever be!

_Ron Weasley, Gryffindor_

Shut up, Creevey. Harry, get a grip, honestly!

…Hermione, you do think I'm more of a man than Creevey, right?

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

You're all such dolts. All of you.

_**September 18th**_

_Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts_

Ten points from Slytherin for that, Malfoy! Harry, if he keeps botherin ye, I'll take more, just say the word, eh?

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Hey! You're not allowed to take points!

_Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts and Instructor of Care of Magical Creatures—Legitimate Hogwarts Teacher With All The Teacherly Rights_

I'm a teacher, ain't I?

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin, Son of Lucius Malfoy, Who Can Avada Kedavra Your Groundkeeperness All The Way To Translyvanian Durmstrang_

If you say so.

_Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster and former Gryffindor_

Mr. Malfoy, a word in my office, please?

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

I didn't write that, Professor! Potter did!

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

I like my Firebolt, too…hey, no, I didn't write that! SHUT UP, Malfoy!

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

No, YOU shut up!

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

No, YOU!

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

No, YOU!

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

No, YOU!

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Scarface!

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

Ugly-hair!

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Potty!

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

Ferret!

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Mudblood-lover!

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

Pansy Parkinson-lover!

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

I DO NOT!

_Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin_

Draco!

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Shut up, Pansy. Four-eyes!

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

REALLY ugly-hair!

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

I think you cross the line of pointless when you're both standing right next to each other and the book taking turns writing in it.

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Shut up, Mudblo—

_**September 19th**_

_Ron Weasley, Gryffindor_

Wow. Didn't know Creevey had it in him.

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

Didn't see that coming at all.

He broke my glasses when he grabbed for the book, though.

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

I didn't even see him standing there.

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

He was behind Draco, in line for the book.

_Ron Weasley, Gryffindor_

Probably going to write a love note to you, Hermione.

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

Shut up, Ron.

_**September 20th**_

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

Hey, can someone in Gryffindor give me the password? I've forgotten it; I'm going to wait outside our common room.

_Neville Longbottom, Gryffindor_

Oh, here, Harry, I actually know it this time: it's _sensum verus_.

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

…Thanks. Thanks a bunch, Neville.

_Neville Longbottom, Gryffindor_

No problem!

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

You really are idiots.

_Neville Longbottom, Gryffindor_

What?

_**September 21st**_

_Neville Longbottom, Gryffindor_

_OH!_ Oops! Oh, right, sorry, guys…!

_Draco Malfoy, Slytherin_

Nice underwear collection, Potter.

_Harry Potter, Gryffindor_

Malfoy, why were you going through my underwear?

_Ron Weasley, Gryffindor_

Yeah, really…

_Hermione Granger, Gryffindor_

…

_Ginny Weasley, Gryffindor_

…

_Neville Longbottom, Gryffindor_

…

_Luna Lovegood, Ravenclaw_

…

_Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin_

DRACO!

_Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster and former Gryffindor_

I think I'm going to take this away for a while.

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Well! If this gets good/a lot of reviews then I'll keep going by months...more Luna and Ginny and others...and, oh, what about a teachers' one?...

**Review!**


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